Good Bye 2012

This whole 2012 for me has made big impacts in my life. I can’t even put them all into words and write about how at some point I was the happiest person I know to being the unluckiest of all. I was in love with someone I couldn’t imagine being with, I was pushed away by the people I love and people I didn’t know, I spent most of my little days left in my country being with the happiest people I know, I left my hometown and said goodbye to the most wonderful people I’ve met and grew up with, I struggled between right and wrong, I was betrayed, I lost someone I love because of death, I felt lonely and lost and was heart broken. I somehow can’t explain how I truly feel anymore, about myself, and I try not to blame these things as to why I feel so numb now. I know that I should keep a positive mind especially now that a new year is coming up. It’s about time for me to let go of 2012, it’s about time for me to welcome better memories…

My Angel

Hi, Mama. I never really got to write you a letter in my notebook because I didn’t know where and how to start it and if I did I know I’d probably fill the whole notebook with all your stories, but I really miss you Ma. I hope you are resting well up there. I wish I could hug you right now. I miss it when I was little because I get to hug your soft belly and your unconditional kisses everywhere were the best, especially that certain sound you make with your nose when you kiss me. You’re my angel now Ma and I know that where ever I go, you will always be with me, in my heart forever. I love you always.

MAMA

I had this horrible dream once when I was little. I was in the cemetery, crying and looking at a coffin. I already knew who was in it so I tossed a yellow flower before it was about to be buried with dirt. I woke up trying to catch my heartbeat and realized I was crying for real. Ever since I had that dream, you would always tell me that you’d still watch over me if you do pass away but you’d pray to God that He doesn’t take you away until I graduate college. I never liked it when you talked about your death. I was so young back then when you told me all these. It’s hard to believe that you really did wait for me to graduate. Today is your burial and I hate not being able to see you before you go.

You always tell me to take care of myself wherever I go, but it should have been me telling you to take care of yourself more. I'll never forget that day I said goodbye to you before I left the Philippines. I stopped by your place and found you outside walking to buy shampoo. I miss you, Mama. You will always be remembered in my heart and you will always be my Mama. Thank you for taking care of me since I was a baby. I wish I could have been there for you more often. I know that you can finally rest in peace. No more walking around the city, okay? I love you.

Entering Distance

Tomorrow marks our 8th month of being together but today also marks the last day I would see him for an indefinite amount of time. I graduated college and now I’m flying back to the country I was born to find a greener pasture. We kissed our goodbyes at the airport and we’ll be 8,509.5 miles away from each other with a 12-hours time difference. If a week of not seeing each other felt lonely, being at opposite ends of the world is going to be excruciatingly painful. But if my last year of college with him has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t change your circumstances, you can only change your perspective. It might be difficult, to say the least, but what’s precious in life that isn’t worth fighting for?

Having been TRULY loved by him is surely like winning the lottery, only the distance we have makes me unable to truly enjoy my winnings.

To A Good, Best Freind.

"A true friend isn’t about who came first and who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who came and never left."

Dear Charise Nadiene,

8 years have passed since our friendship started and I'm always grateful I became friends with you. I want to thank you for the many things you did for me because I honestly don't think I'd be who or where I am now without your help. Growing up in our teen years wasn't easy for me, the fact that my parents and older siblings weren't around for me to look up to. But you were present those days and you taught me most of the things I needed to learn about living a good teen-aged life. You were always there whenever I needed someone to talk to - giving me your piece/s of advice. You're so honest to me that you even told me all the things you didn't like about me. And so I did the same to you. Until one day we decided that we'd do our best to change the negative things about us and be nicer to one another. Which pretty much lead us to be better people in general.

You also encouraged me to go to church every Sunday, and that's how I became closer to our God. I learned from you that praying indeed helps, a lot!

Back in high school, you persuaded me to study, study, and study. I guess that's probably why I was such a good student. *cough*. I learned because of you, that I am confident enough to speak in front of so many other students on stage with a microphone in one hand. When you ran for school President, you made me run with you, as your Business Manager. And when we both won student council, I started to be more responsible.

Though after high school we didn't go to the same college, we remained good friends. I mean, if not better, we became best! In those years, we faced more challenges - about love, about family and about being student nurses (thanks for the pathophysiologies). And of all the things you did/do for me, I try my best to do the same for you.

Remember this?!

You may not know this, but it was mostly because of you that I never gave up on myself. Because no matter how many rocks life threw at you, you remained strong. And that's what inspires me. 

Congratulations on passing the RN exam, Cha! I know you'll be successful in your life and that someday you'll change the world just as you did with me.

Love, 

Faith Marianne